GOSSIP'S COUSIN
Gossip isn’t the only dangerous enemy in our youth groups. It has an ugly cousin that I call sarcasm or “scar-casm.” Because our youth culture so loves humor, it is often viewed as a friend rather than a foe. The reality is sarcasm pushes this idea of “humor at any price.” I’ve watched many “cool” youth leaders that choose to use sarcasm to communicate with their teenagers.
The Bible tells us, “Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, ‘I was only joking!’” – Proverbs 26:18-19
I know affirming words are awkward for many of us to verbalize, however, we cannot as leaders continue to use sarcasm as a means of communicating friendship and warmth. Years ago, I pulled one of my favorite leaders aside and said, “Listen, Barry, you’re amazing. But could you think about dropping the sarcasm from your humor?” Barry paused, and then responded sincerely, “Jeanne, if I cut all the sarcasm out of my vocabulary, I’d probably be completely quiet for the next month!”
I know Barry is not alone. Sarcasm comes pretty easy for most of us. I’m not saying you can’t poke fun at situations or circumstances, but often our “poking fun” winds up centered on another person. None of us ever intend to hurt them, but our words cut deep. I encourage my leaders at home and around the nation, “Have the guts to drop the sarcasm when you’re with teenagers. Train yourself, no matter how awkward it feels, to be a verbally affirming person.”
The truth is that while none of your teenagers will ever say it to your face, they want your approval so badly that they remember nearly everything you say about them. You may know you’re joking, but they don’t.
The Bible tells us, “Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, ‘I was only joking!’” – Proverbs 26:18-19
I know affirming words are awkward for many of us to verbalize, however, we cannot as leaders continue to use sarcasm as a means of communicating friendship and warmth. Years ago, I pulled one of my favorite leaders aside and said, “Listen, Barry, you’re amazing. But could you think about dropping the sarcasm from your humor?” Barry paused, and then responded sincerely, “Jeanne, if I cut all the sarcasm out of my vocabulary, I’d probably be completely quiet for the next month!”
I know Barry is not alone. Sarcasm comes pretty easy for most of us. I’m not saying you can’t poke fun at situations or circumstances, but often our “poking fun” winds up centered on another person. None of us ever intend to hurt them, but our words cut deep. I encourage my leaders at home and around the nation, “Have the guts to drop the sarcasm when you’re with teenagers. Train yourself, no matter how awkward it feels, to be a verbally affirming person.”
The truth is that while none of your teenagers will ever say it to your face, they want your approval so badly that they remember nearly everything you say about them. You may know you’re joking, but they don’t.