When creating a sense of family, it doesn’t mean that you have to lose your leadership role in the lives of your students.  I often tell my leaders that you have to be more of a coach than a companion, but that doesn’t mean that there cannot be friendship there.  It doesn’t mean that all you talk about is Jesus and the Bible, but it is the mental awareness that there come moments in closeness and relationship where you’ve got to stop and decide to be the coach more than the companion.

Though there are times when you can be transparent, there will be a million times that you’ll have to quietly decide if you choose to be a friend in their lives or a coach.  Always choose to be a coach, because if you are a coach first, then the respect for you will be there and the friendship will follow.

Paul tells us in the Scriptures, “You had a lot of spiritual teachers and instructors, but only one spiritual father,” and that’s really true.  As a coach you become the spiritual mom, dad, big brother or big sister in the lives of your students.

I don’t think one becomes a spiritual mom, dad, big brother or big sister without the choice to personally invest some time in those individuals.  Personally, you can’t do it for everybody.  You talk language like a spiritual parent from the platform like, ”we’re family around here.”  You train your leaders around you, especially through the small groups to make everybody feel like they’ve got somebody on that leadership team that really cares about them as a person.

You’re an instructor, if what you’re doing is just basically teaching or preaching from the front.  You’re a spiritual parent or big brother/big sister if you are interested in their lives…the good and the bad.  And I think to stay good at it…you still have to pay some extra dues with a few of your kids privately yourself that you’re not even doing in front of everybody else.  Those kids will have to work harder when at your youth group and reach out to more people than anybody else.  But that keeps the you on the cutting edge of your ministry, because it keeps your heart open.