Once upon a time, a well-meaning Sunday school leader declared to the teenagers that showed up Sunday morning after Sunday morning, “You guys are going to like each other or else we’re going to die trying to make you…”  The truth is many of us have felt like we’ve already died trying.  Creating a family feeling in our youth groups is easier said than done. 

If you have more than a dozen or so teenagers, there are probably at least two cliques that have emerged or are emerging.  Even among those cliques, there are always dating issues, friend squabbles, the list goes on.  We are required to teach our teenagers that we are to love our neighbors like ourselves, but at the heart of many of these cliques is individual insecurity.  The sad reality is many of these teenagers don’t like themselves.  So how do we get them to like each other?

First and foremost we must pray for these students to get along, but we must also be strategic in our efforts to get our youth groups to begin to not only call each other family but act like it.  One great way is to plan an “outing” and invite a key influencer from each of the “cliques.”  After a few hours together away from their respective “groups,” they may find they actually have something in common.

Below are some tips to creating an effective connection:

  1. Make this something that you don’t publicly advertise to everyone else in the youth group.
  2. Make it fun and upbeat, but before it’s over specifically address the issue.  Explain to them how important it is that your group feels like a family and a place where everyone feels safe.
  3. Bring them on your team – tell them you need their help.  Ask them to purposefully talk to someone different each week and to go out of their way to get everyone to sit together.
  4. Use positive language such as, “It would be so cool if you would…it would help out so much if you would…”
  5. Follow–up with these individuals and make them your “check points” as you see things going well or not so well.
  6. Remember, what gets rewarded gets repeated!  Desperately try to catch them doing exactly what you wanted them to do and write them a note or tell them how amazing they are!