When creating a fun event for my youth group, purpose always accompanied fun.  What we did not only changed kids’ attitudes towards fun, but it also brought in many nonbelievers that otherwise might not have hung out with Christians on the weekends.  We called them Matthew Parties.  In the New Testament it was Matthew who hosted a dinner for all of his friends and entertained them after he became one of the twelve disciples.  My younger son Justin attended the Christian High School, yet invested prayer and time into reaching a public high school in the area.  His “Matthew Parties” as we called them, were attended by literally thousands.  Through flyers and by word of mouth, he threw himself into these events and took the responsibility of creating his own fun to a whole new level, attracting not only kids but even at times the media.  To tie in the spiritual part we strategically took whatever event or competition we’d done and hosted the championship in the midweek youth service. The fun captivated the non-believers and drew them into a service of worship, prayer, and authentic Christian atmosphere that often led to their salvation.

An old song says, You’re the only Jesus some will ever see and you‘re the only words some will ever read…so let them see in you the One in whom is all they‘ll ever need… I pray you too live your youth ministry doing enough fun things – retreats, late night talks, trips to the lake, picnics, swimming parties, football games – that you do not find yourself with regrets, wishing you’d done more.  When I remind you to make fun an attitude not an action, unashamedly I challenge you to host cool events and create hilarious moments.  Jesus lived life to the fullest, and He was the first to model relational ministry.  As a mentor, I treasure the opportunity to live and exhibit the example of these principles for those looking to me as their leader.  I pray you do the same and remember, teenagers are more into people than they are into pulpits, and fun really isn’t an action, it’s an attitude.  I want you to have moments like I’ve been privilege to have, ones that are permanently inscribed on your heart.

Too many teenagers grow up today without the stability of a real family – a mother, a dad, siblings, who all love each other and host annual trips to pick out a Christmas tree, Easter egg hunt, and Thursday night Monopoly.  Don’t wait for traditions to emerge, create them.  And don’t wait for your teenagers to have fun, teach them how to make fun.  After all, it’s not an event or an activity, it’s an attitude.

Contrary to popular belief, staying up all night with teenagers, jumping on trampolines, driving bumper cars, playing basketball with a raw turkey, and chasing pigs no longer entice me.  Yes, as you laugh, it is true I did each of those things.  But let me be quite truthful… those things are not my idea of fun.  Yet if you watched me participate in any of those activities, you would never guess I was not having the time of my life.  It does not really matter if you think the activities your kids want to do are fun.  Make yourself enjoy it.  I cannot stress how vital it is for you to recognize the importance of teaching them how to cultivate their own sense of creativity and avoid falling into the trap of boredom.  You must become the example they follow, not just in prayer and worship, but in planned events and outings.

Today, I’ve built enough credibility that my trampoline jumping days are winding down.  The memories are so many that years later they still keep us laughing.  My “remember when’s” include sumo wrestling events in the living room, the demolition of an old car, snow throwing parties, turkey basketball tournaments, and candle-light moments… Most of our creative ideas often become infamous activities and we turn them into long-awaited, stoic traditions.  Allow me to share just a few.

1. Among the many outdoor activities, turkey basketball has emerged over the years as a favorite.  Every fall, I head off to the grocery store to buy frozen turkeys and a box of plastic gloves.  Picture in your mind person after person man-handling a frozen turkey.  You guessed it.  The inevitable happens.  Cheering fans laugh hysterically as they watch the various parts of the poultry fly from one side of the court to another.  I think I’ve played turkey basketball enough that I probably could shoot better with the awkward bird than an actual basketball.  But through participating in this silly activity, we produced tons of laughter and always build bridges of friendship with the kids and gain credibility as their leader.
2. At one of our “fun activities” I actually broke my leg chasing a greasy pig, but I caught the pig!  The things we dream up and actually do would overwhelm the minds of most normal parents, yet as I see hundreds of kids entering a real authentic walk with Christ and enjoying Christian friendships, I refuse to believe it is anything less than effective.  I’ve learned the importance of this principle and allowed it to affect every aspect of my youth ministry approach.
3. When we built our first home, I requested an open entry-way and living area, with the intention of hosting large groups of kids.  What I didn’t realize is that the vaulted ceilings, along with a staircase leading to the balcony that overlooked the living area would provide the ideal setting for what later became one of our most renowned activities.  One night I consented to having a trampoline brought into the living room, and allowed my furniture to be carried into the front yard.  The kids loved having an indoor trampoline, but one bright individual needed more of a challenge, and proceeded to climb the stairs and there atop the balcony he jumped onto the trampoline.  My mind reeled, as I imagined the overwhelming potential to incur a lawsuit, but as the chants for me to join in the newly found fun came, I buried my fears and made the jump.  Thousands launched themselves off the balcony to the trampoline below during our 13 year stay in Illinois, and I know for many of them it was their first leap towards a relationship with Jesus Christ.

“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” – Abraham Lincoln

“Along the journey of life, it is not where you go, but who you’re with that makes all the difference.” -  Anonymous

If fun is an action, we better prepare ourselves to accept the weight of entertaining a youth culture that sees a new movie and plays a new video game on a weekly basis.  With technology refusing to regress, we are left with the difficult yet effective option of placing the burden of entertainment on teenagers.  Today we must resign to the formidable reality that we do not have the finances to keep up with their ever-shortening attention spans.  While we may not be able to create or buy activities that exist on the same levels, we can reinvent the wheel.  The brains of this generation need nothing more to be entertained by the world, but we can sharpen their senses by challenging them to take the responsibility and create their own fun.

The mantra of this youth culture is “I’m bored. I’m bored…”  Their attitudes reflect these words, and their faces unquestionably mirror them.  All they have to do to be entertained is show up at a party and take a shot, smoke a joint, or find a bedroom to create what the average teenager considers to be real fun.  Years, even weeks down the road, they encounter the consequences from their “great times,” as they find themselves needing more and more.  They end up victimized by a false sense of enjoyment.  I believe the heart of God grieves for these teenagers who walk the treacherous path that began with the words, “I’m bored…” but ended finding them broken, empty and whispering in the quiet moments of their loneliness, “I’m scared…”

Our ministry should exemplify how God intended for us all to live.  We find Jesus saying in John 10:10, “I have come that you might have life, and have it more abundantly.”  Our youth ministry must be fun, and it begins by you consistently telling them that Christianity done the right way is a blast.  Regardless of how exciting your midweek service may be, the fun will come as a result of relationships.  Through the years, our relationships were built at the epicenter of our discipleship core.  On the weekends, kids met friends from their small groups in the parking lot or the sanctuary of the church on Friday and Saturday evening.  From this meeting place they congregated, and made plans for their weekend.  Real fun is always relational.  We all know that if we were in Hawaii relaxing on the beaching or at the North Pole shoveling snow, it would be the people we were with who decided how much fun we would have.  As a leader, some of my favorite moments come at the close of intense services, outreaches, retreats, parties when I stand back and watch the kids laughing, hugging, enjoying just being together.  For I know it is then that they tangibly discover that God really is the author of fun.

I am so excited because in all the years that I’ve done monthly youth coaching and mentoring resources I can never recall sending out someone else’s message.  But for the first time, it’s an honor to make available to you this month’s Source telling the unbelievable story of one of my sons in Christ, Kevin Ramsby, an associate pastor in the Detroit, Michigan area who gave his life to Christ in my ministry in Illinois.

A few months ago Kevin’s life was turned around by one of those catastrophic experiences that we all hope we never live to see…his home was broken into and he was stabbed 37 times.  The hospital reported that he broke all their records for being someone that was stabbed the most and lived to tell about it.   Kevin learned many huge lessons out of that life-altering experience.

As he lay in his own blood waiting to die and in the weeks following he wrestled with the questions…

• How could God allow this to happen to me?
• If God sees and knows everything…why didn’t He stop it?
• Why do I have to go through so much pain in life while so many others seem to live the “good” and “easy” life?
• What did I do to deserve this?
• Is God mad at me?
• Does God really care about me?

As Kevin was asking, “Where were You, God?”  God made it clear to him that He walked with him, even in the worst moments and at times, He carried him.  This is a powerful message for anyone who wonders how God could let “bad” things happen to “good” people and how can you live with the “uninvited scars” in your life.

As usual, in this Source, we include everything you need to adapt this message for your ministry with complete notes, PowerPoint, video links and mentoring comments.  We also include how to contact Kevin if you’d like to have him speak to your group and share his powerful story personally.  This message will reach the hearts of even your most challenging kids.

Have I got you interested?  http://www.youthleaderscoach.com/playbook/details.asp?id=277

Have you ever gone through “Desert Times” in your life?  You know…the dry times when God feels a billion miles away and any sense of “feeling” in your walk with the Lord is long gone.  It’s when the voices of failure, discouragement and inferiority get real loud in your head.  We are forever giving out in youth ministry and it can become incredibly depleting.

Though it’s possible to bring spiritual deserts on yourself by refusing to deal with sin or never spending time with the Lord, sometimes deserts are God’s plan.  Remember Jesus was led into the desert by the Spirit and He came out in the Power of the Spirit.  If you’re frightened of barren non-feeling times and they become an enemy to you…you’ll never walk in the Power of the Spirit of God.

What are God’s purposes for me while in the Desert?

1. To free you from the idolatry of feelings.
2. To keep us from being “over watered” spiritually, because that will eventually destroy us.
3. To help us grow in love with Him rather than in love with feelings of Him.
4. To force your spiritual root structure to go deeper.
5. To separate religious feelings from religious reality.
6. To bring you to a place of spiritual maturity and stability which will allow you to be strong even during difficult times.

What do you do while you are in the Desert?

1. Focus on God’s character, not on your own lack of feelings.
2. Take some “Me & God” time.
3. Guard your thought life.
4. Always seek relationship above experience.

Don’t make your goal getting out of the desert…your goal needs to be growing through the desert.  Be careful not to confuse “feelings” with “relationship,” they have very little to do with each other.  If you don’t get that, you’ll be frustrated, angry, guilt ridden…and you’ll never be a force for hell to reckon with.

I have so much more to share with you on this very important topic.  I go into much more detail in the Youth Leader’s Coach, “Dealing With The Desert Times“

I often say, “Today a reader, tomorrow a leader.”  Our society has produced a visual generation, but as men and women of excellence, dare to reverse the cycle.  To stop learning, is to start dying.  There is no mediocre intellectual ground.  I honestly believe it is dangerous for you to quit growing and developing yourself.  Make reading and learning a habit that creates excellence in your own life.

After four decades in ministry, if anyone deserves the right to punt, in many ways it is me.  With the advancement of technology, and sermons remarketed, revamped, and repeated, it provides the temptation to let the wind carry the sails the rest of the journey.  But please remember, football teams don’t score by punting.

In the game of youth ministry, I refused to kick the ball back into the opponent’s field, and yard by yard with repeated integrity, we’ve reaped incredible dividends and scored countless touchdowns for the kingdom.  I beg you, even though it is hard and frustrating and at times feels like you are losing ground, run the ball one play at a time.  We all want the size of our group to be manageable, but as you grow, force yourself to be strategic with the time and energy of your entire gang.  Refuse to punt…

Yard by yard anything is hard, but inch by inch (comparatively speaking) even youth ministry can be a cinch.  The key that unlocked the hearts of the teenagers and the door to ministry significance came through the not days, or weeks, but decades of repeatedly doing right things:

• I put my heart into every service, making them something the teenagers would be proud to invite their friends to attend
• Listening, listening, listening
• Hanging out with teenagers after hours and outside the church
• Staying close to the Lord, prioritizing time to be with Him

We need to be much like the tortoise, who saw the goal and protruded slowly towards it.  We cannot decide what our ministries will be, we only decide our habits, and our habits decide what we become.  After time, the numbers come, and while they will impress most people, be cautious, the moment they start to impress you, reevaluate whether your obsession is to reach kids or reach numbers.  Ask yourself what is the ultimate prize, and I pray you see significance entails much more than meeting numeric goals.

When you create youth services, your flesh always wants to punt and take the easy way out, instead of being a youth pastor who will take the ball and really run with it, despite the opposition.  Significant ministries are only birthed out of unadulterated righteous obsession combined with the persistent, disciplined character.  But don’t stop there.   Allow your obsession to fuel the fire of focus and discipline, then choose to do the most difficult task before you treat yourself to doing the things you love.

After four decades in ministry my righteous obsession has not changed since I first starting walking the journey…loving kids in the local church.  And now the Lord has expanded it to include:  encouraging, instructing, equipping, and inspiring the youth pastors and youth leaders of this generation.  You need to decide what your righteous obsession is, and let it consume you.  You will never make hell tremble, if you are a leader known only for your great ideas, great vision, great starts.  For brief moments you will have everyone’s attention, but when your kids and leaders learn that all your outward enthusiasm is never backed with serious work and dedication, your hype will lose the ability to motivate.

The plodding along comes through caring and knowing one face at a time.  There really is no trick to building relationships, except being sincere and getting into their world.   Showing up on school campuses, at football games, in local coffee shops will feel extremely awkward at first, but whenever you leave any normal, familiar atmosphere it is always uneasy.  If you do not feel out of place and nervous, you are not doing it right.   Adaptation is feasible, but it requires immersion in the new surroundings and finding a few who you can connect with and trust to help give you credibility.  I guarantee there is no better way to understand how first time visitors feel when they walk into a youth service than to reverse the scales and be a first time visitor in their environment.

Of all the difficult moments teenagers endure, few will cause as many tear stained eyes, shattered hearts, and sleepless nights as going through the heart ache of a romantic relationship.  Please love your kids enough to speak right things, corrective things when necessary but learn to ask the right questions and most of all listen, listen, listen.  Remind them that they are human, and if they open up to you, your response will determine whether or not they ever open up again.  Without a “you sin, I sin, we all sin” attitude, allow them to know true dignity and Christianity is about getting up when you fall.  Be the first hand they see outstretched the moment they make a mistake, all while telling them they are amazing and deserve to know the beauty of a solid relationship with the Lord who makes every other relationship what it should be.

Whether you encourage dating, courting, group activities, among all the pragmatic approaches, talk to the kids in your group as sons and daughters and remind them that their emotional attention and energy belongs solely to Jesus.  I cannot tell you the hurt and disappointment you have the ability to prevent.  Lovingly help your teenagers place their hearts into the hands of the very One who gave it to them.  May they know perfect love and true emotional fulfillment that comes solely through a relationship with Jesus Christ.

I understand how difficult the topic of sexual purity and dating is for many to talk about, and I honestly have discovered this is because so many struggle with it in their personal lives.  We cannot help those we lead overcome in an area we are not winning in our own lives.  Before you say I have never committed a sexual sin or adultery, let me ask you how often you use the phrase emotional adultery? Honest pastors will admit in the private moments of their lives, it wars against them.  When a member of the congregation or youth group or leadership team affirms you, encourages you, or seeks your wisdom, the opportunity to commit emotional adultery presents itself.

Sexual adultery never begins the moment it reaches the bedroom.  It starts with emotional flirtation.  If you choose to prevent your mind, will, and emotions from committing adultery, you will never find yourself in a position of sexual compromise.  Keep your own emotions on a short leash and uphold the standard of relational integrity to the same level you would any other part of your life.  As you set the standard, your kids can know where their emotions lie and will avoid the puppy love trap set by the Enemy.